Episode 35: How to Set and Honor Boundaries in Your Life and Business with Racheal Cook

Monica Froese  00:04

You’re listening to the Empowered business podcast. I’m your host, Monica Froese, a mom of two and your secret weapon to creating a six figure digital product business. I’m on a mission to help 1000 Women make $100,000 a year. That’s right $100 million towards financial independence for women. As an online business expert, I am teaching you everything I know, right here week after week. So you can join us on the journey to $100 million dollars. Sound good, then let’s jump in raise your hand, if you have trouble setting boundaries and upholding boundaries. I’m raising my hand right now even though I have gotten a lot better with doing that in my life, I will say there’s always room for improvement. And it definitely took a lot of hard work to get to the point where I was willing to stand up for what was important to me, both in my personal life and in my professional life. And today, one of the topics we’ll be talking about is about boundaries, and how to set them in your life and in your business and how they work together. Because you really can’t have boundaries in one side of your life and not the other. So I want to bring on Rachael Cooke, who is an award winning business strategist, host of the promote yourself to CEO podcast, and best selling author, Rachel is on a mission to end entrepreneurial poverty for women like that is an amazing mission, by the way. So over the last 10 years, she has helped 1000s of female entrepreneurs design predictably profitable businesses. Without the hustle and burnout, that doing hashtag all the things inevitably accomplishes. In fact, Rachel is a sought after speaker on entrepreneurship, marketing and productivity and has been featured by the US Chamber of Commerce, Forbes, coaching Council, female entrepreneur Association and more. Her real passion, though, is supporting savvy soulful women as they implement the strategy systems and support to uncomplicate their business so they can work less and live more. And that sounds like something we all want to do. So let’s welcome on Rachael, and hear how we can make that a reality for us as well. Rachel, welcome to the Empowered Business Podcast. I’m so happy to have you.

Speaker 2  02:33

Thank you for having me, Monica, I know we are going to have a lot of laughs during this conversation.

Monica Froese  02:38

We are I have a feeling that this is going to go somewhere good because we’re both very opinionated people. Have a lot to say. Okay, so I like to kick off every interview by asking about your entrepreneurial journey, like how you got started, and more importantly, what are you doing today?

Speaker 2  02:54

Okay, so this is one of those stories. It’s kind of a long and winding road, but I’m going to try to condense it a little bit. I did not start off thinking I would be an entrepreneur, despite the fact that both my parents were small business owners. So I grew up in small businesses, I grew up in the early 90s, doing data entry for my dad’s insurance business back when it was a DOS computer with the black screen and the green type. So I had been behind the scenes and businesses for a long time. But in my mind, an entrepreneur was someone like my dad who was very outgoing, very, like big personality, willing to go up and talk to anybody very much like, you know, back slapping, you know, schmoozing type of sales guy. Um, and so I kind of went on my own path pretty early, I thought I was going to be a professional musician. So I actually started my journey, not in entrepreneurship, but getting a degree and music performance for French horn. And while I was getting my music performance for French horn, a couple things started happening. One, once you get to the university level of music performance, you start to realize really quickly if you’re actually super talented, or if you’re just a really hard worker, and I was just a really hard worker. And in the world of music performance, as you can imagine, there’s not that many jobs for French horn performance. So I started kind of thinking somewhere around my sophomore year, like, oh, is this really what I want to do? And I explored some other things in the music world, but I ended up accidentally starting a couple businesses in college. My business that I started, when I was probably about a sophomore was when you’re a music performance major. One of the requirements to get your degree is you have to have a junior and a senior recital, which is basically a solo concert, it’s you your instrument or singing or whatever, and a pianist, and you’re filling an auditorium with a couple 100 people, your family, your friends, all the other students of the Music School are required to attend these recitals. And because it’s such a big deal, I mean, imagine like you’re getting all dressed up in this ball gown and your hair’s all done and all that. I mean, it’s a huge deal. And afterwards, there’s a reception. And I remember a lot of my music friends were like, I can’t afford to have this reception catered because catering was so expensive if you went to like a real company or whatever, and then they’re running around trying to get ready for the recital the whole time to set it up. So I was like, well, I’ll handle your reception. So I started catering receptions for my friends who are all music majors, which is hilarious, because I’m not really a great chef. But I’m really good at figuring stuff out. And I come from a massive family. So for me, throwing like a bunch of meatballs and a chafing dish and making a bunch of little small hors d’oeuvre type things that I bought from Costco. That was like not hard, because I was like, everything’s getting dinner we’ve ever had as a family. That’s kind of how it goes down. And so I started that business. And I started thinking, well, if I’m not going to do music, what am I going to do? So I switched into the business school, not knowing exactly which direction I was going to go in. But I started realizing there was a lot of opportunity there. And while I was an undergrad, I started tutoring for the athletic department. So any major university that has a huge athletic department, and especially as a lot of student athletes, those student athletes are required to keep a certain GPA in order to maintain their scholarship status, I discovered and this was the second business that I could earn $15 an hour per athlete to tutor. And at the time, there was nobody tutoring, econ, finance, accounting, all of those business requirements to get your business degree. So I started putting together study groups, all of these student athletes, and I’d have like 10 or 15 athletes at a time going through everything to prep for their econ exam, or going through everything to prep for their next finance exam. And so I was making 150 $200 an hour as an undergraduate as a tutor. Because I was kind of gaming the system, I was really good at making money whenever I needed to. And that’s actually genius, like, Yeah, but I tell people all the time, I’m like, if you’re a good student, go find out about the tutoring program at your university because they pay really well. And if they know you’re a good tutor, they will keep you busy with kids who need those basic core classes. And so I kind of continue doing that. And I started in the business school, I shifted to entrepreneurship and small business management, which at the time at East Carolina University, where I went, I was just getting started with an entrepreneurship program in the early 2000s. entrepreneurship programs and universities were just getting started. And I loved it. I absolutely loved it. We started doing so many cool things. I was involved with the Small Business Institute, I started doing undergraduate case competitions, I started working with the local SBA, and they invited me to stay and get my MBA in entrepreneurship and small business management. So I got paid to get my MBA, and…

Monica Froese  07:50

Wow! I mean, I get half paid to get my MBA through my corporate job, it would have been nice to get the whole thing paid. But…

Speaker 2  07:56

Well, at the time, business is the one graduate degree that is lacking women, most other graduate programs are becoming majority women. So you go to law school, it’s not majority women, you go to medical school, it’s majority women, you go to business school, women are still in the minority. And there’s a few reasons for that. One, it’s not being, you know, pushed as much as like medical or legal, um, but it’s definitely something where they’re looking for more women to come in. And so I think they saw me and they were like, Okay, this girl gets it, she’s really into it. She’s good at these strategic consulting things we’re giving her Let’s bring her into the MBA program. And so I continue during that my whole job in the MBA program was I was working with the entrepreneurial initiative, which was part of the whole UNC system to basically get startups their first round of funding and provide cult consulting to small business owners in the area. So the tech triangle around Raleigh is massive. There’s tons of biotech going on, there’s a lot of startups happening. And then granted, this was 20 something years ago now, which makes me feel really old. Um, that’s what I started with. So after I graduated, I got recruited straight into consulting. And it was different because it was more corporate and I missed working with small entrepreneurs who are kind of owner operated. Suddenly, I was working with quote, unquote, small businesses, but they were multi million dollar, you know, very traditional, like industrial machining, paper manufacturing, utility companies, construction, manufacturing, things like that. And I just wasn’t super into what they were doing. So after a few years in the world of consulting, even though I was really good at putting together strategic plans and all these things, I just was like, This is not for me, and I hit burnout. Pretty bad at that point, because anybody who goes into the world of consulting, whether you’re going into one of the top consulting firms, or one of the big consulting firms like I was in, they tend to grind the young people really hard, like 80 hour, weeks are low. So you’re working like six days a week, you’re on the road a lot. And I got to the point where I was literally driving back from Washington DC, on i 95, back home to Atlanta where I was, and I had a panic attack for the first time. And I was like, Okay, this is not working. For me, this is not the road I want to be on. Um, so I ended up taking a medical leave of absence, I was like, something’s wrong. I need to figure this out. And I ended up on a yoga mat, and full circle moment, my yoga teacher comes to me and goes, I know, you don’t want to go back to your career in corporate, do you think you could help me with my yoga studio, and I was like, oh, a business. And I’m actually interested in that I love that mission and the person running it. And so that kind of kicked off me starting my own consulting and coaching business in 2008, was, my yoga teacher literally came to me saying, I’ve been in business for a little over a year, I’m struggling, what do I do, and I was like, ooh, challenge, let’s go. And we turned it around. In a few months, she was able to start traveling and doing the things she really wanted to do with her business. And it just kind of snowballed from there. So fast forward, I think we’re coming up on 1314 years now, I have worked with, I mean, 1000s of women entrepreneurs a lot in the holistic health and wellness space, coaching creative business owners, service providers, and I’ve loved it so much. Because in every woman that I work with, and I get to support, I get to see them doing work that truly matters and makes a difference in the world. And I get to see them create just amazing freedom for themselves and their life.

Monica Froese  11:44

 That is such a great story.

Speaker 2  11:46

It’s been a long, winding journey. But there you go. In a nutshell, that’s kind of what’s happened.

Monica Froese  11:52

So you brand it your whole business under your name at this point, but you have programs that live underneath your name that have like an like, the CEO Collective is one of them. I know. And so like when I think I know your program names, and I know that it lives under because like I’ve been following you for a really long time, which is kind of I was trying to think of like when I started following you, but like you’ve been on my radar for quite some time it probably for at least five years, which then when you said 2008 is really when you spun into small business, I’m like, wow, you have been doing this for a very long time. So like the program. So two questions in the programs you have now, what are they? And then when did they start?

Speaker 2  12:30

Oh, good question. Um, so the programs I have now I have the CEO collective, which is our pretty comprehensive way that we work with women entrepreneurs, currently, we work with them in a one year container, where they’re coming in to learn how to implement what we call our 90 Day CEO system, and actually put some structure and systems in place in their business, what I find for a lot of our clients is they’re coming to us after they’re through that startup stage, they’re starting to make great money, but it’s all the other stuff that gets overwhelming. And it starts to feel like it’s pulling them away from what they really love to do. So we’re in there for a full year to help them put in place the infrastructure of their business to make sure they have all the systems in place the support team in place, and to really help them move away from being the operator of the business to more of the CEO of the business. So that’s our core offer. At this point. That’s pretty much what we’re focused on 99% of the time, now, four times a year, we host what we call the CEO retreat. This was an in person event currently, it’s all virtual. But this event started in 2018. Yeah, it was January 2018. And it started as an experiment up until 2018. The only way I was working with people was through online courses or coaching you know, via Skype or zoom or whatever were were using, um, but I started having this feeling that I wanted to bring people together in a room not for a hype you up rah rah fest, but for a workshop, like we’re gonna get stuff done, and you’re gonna walk away with a 90 day plan. And I was realizing that so many of the women that I was working with were coming to me with so many ideas, like ideas exploding everywhere, but they were lacking focus, and they were lacking follow through. And I knew that I had just because of my background and the way I run my business. I was like, doesn’t everybody just run their business on a 90 day plan? Doesn’t everybody have a way they’re tracking every week? What they’re doing? Turns out? No. Um, so I started hosting that event. I thought it was going to be an experiment to host an in person event 55 people signed up. Wow. And I’ve been hosting it every quarter ever since. And it wasn’t until COVID happened that we had to be 100% virtual but we’ve done a combination of doing an in person event and then the week following doing a virtual version. Like three years now.

Monica Froese  14:54

That’s awesome. Okay, so primarily what kind of businesses do your clients run?

Speaker 2  14:59

Yeah, I would say a lot of coaching and consulting. So a lot of anybody following in the live your best life category I have, I have worked with every type of coach you can imagine. There’s probably not a niche of coaching I haven’t worked with at some point, a lot of holistic health and wellness. And that comes from starting with the yoga business owners. I had a lot of yoga business owners, which turned into a lot of Pilates businesses, dance studios, movement studios, personal trainers, nutritionists, dieticians, a lot of people who are in the wellness space, a lot of certified people. So like highly trained dietitians, and therapists and people who have a lot of credentials behind their names. And then what’s funny is, even though I started with a lot of holistic health and wellness, it was like I started with the yogi’s, then all the other holistic health and wellness people came on and then all the coaches came and then all the creatives came.

Monica Froese  15:57

That’s what I because I mean, I don’t know why you would have crossed my path unless it was like in the course space, or the creative entrepreneur space. That’s I’m like trying to piece together how you got on my radar?

Speaker 2  16:10

Well, I think it’s one of those things where and I see this happen a lot. I mean, it’s even happened for you like we started a specific niche. And it really lets us get our footing, right, it lets us get our foundation in place, figure out exactly how we’re going to make this work and what we’re going to do. And then it’s like people start knocking on your door, and they’re like, Hey, Rach, I’m not a yoga teacher. But I think this program can help me and I’m like, Cool, come join us. And for me, one thing that really helped is in 2014, I created a free challenge called the fired up and focus challenge. And this was the first time I went from talking about like more marketing and sales strategy to talking about productivity and getting things done. At that time. My twins were four years old, my youngest was a year old. And I was only working I mean, I’ve only worked 25 hours a week since I started my business. That was a big priority for me. And so I ran this challenge because people were like, well, how are you only working 25 hours a week with these three very small children. And my husband left his job that year to come be a stay at home dad, they’re like, how the heck did you do that? And so I put together a productivity challenge. And that was probably the one thing that started breaking me a little more mainstream outside of the yoga community, because more and more people were like, Yes, this is what I need. I need the productivity piece.

Monica Froese  17:26

You run a challenge, is that the challenge you run in December, like going into the new year?

Speaker 2  17:30

That’s the best year ever challenge. And they kind of go hand that hand in hand.

Monica Froese  17:35

Yeah, I agree, actually, now that it’s so funny now when you start saying them like, right, because I remember trying everything, like I got the power sheets that that were all the rage at one point with bloggers and, you know, I tried so many planning methods early on in my business, like the Trello boards and everything. And I remember it probably was either going into 2016 Maybe 2017, somewhere in there. Early on, I was just looking for any planning method that worked and that and because at the end of the years, you know, it’s it’s like that really fun time where you’re closing out a year like the New Year is upon you and like opportunities unless this is such a baby entrepreneur. Yay. Like, like I like that I don’t know if I totally see it that way anymore. Because now I you know, I have employees there’s a little more responsibility I feel like I have now but it was like kind of like endless dreams really. And I do believe that still but it’s a little bit more structured than it was back then for me and that’s how I found you so that is actually really interesting. i You’re right I had the same experience with everyone kind of knew me as the Pinterest girl but it got an you know, there was a I’m almost positive it was Amy Porterfield. Some I’ve pinched so many of her episodes back in the early days. So I couldn’t tell you what episode it is somewhere along the line. And it was in the early days of my Pinterest stuff where she said you know, cuz she was known for Facebook when she got started now like you never hear her Facebook. And she said what you get known for you have to stick with for a minimum of 24 months. And it’s because if you don’t you won’t like basically have a foothold. Yeah, absolutely. referable. And like people look at you as like an industry expert. And I remember just constantly being like, I gotta hold on for 24 months, I’ve got to hold on for 24 months, I took that as like, like the Bible. And I did you know, I held on for four years and boy did it make a didn’t make a difference. So that makes perfect sense to me that yeah, space.

Speaker 2  19:36

Every celebrity entrepreneur we’re following though, again, because I’ve been in the space for so long. They all have a story like that, where they all started with one specific thing, and then went from there. And I think it’s really fascinating to kind of go backwards and watch but yeah, when I started talking about some of these things, you know, I think we tend to think that if something comes easily for us, it must come easily for everybody else and So for a long time, I didn’t talk about productivity, or I didn’t talk about planning or strategy like holistic, big picture strategy, because I was like, Well, surely everybody else does it this way. And yeah, that’s kind of like a bonehead thought now that I’m looking back on it, but I was just always confused. I was like, What is wrong with everybody? Why can’t they get their stuff done faster? What’s going on? And what I realized, I mean, this is I’m super lucky in the fact that I grew up around entrepreneurs. So I have a very, and not just entrepreneurs, but like old school, very traditional businesses. And I think when you come into business, pre internet, you have a very different perspective of how to have a successful long term business. I think the internet has kind of distorted a lot of this for a lot of people coming in to be entrepreneurs, because I got my MBA before there was online business, right.

Monica Froese  20:55

I graduated in 2010. And I’m telling you, we they had just gotten gotten onto like Google, whatever…

Speaker 2  21:01

They had released Facebook when I was in grad school. And I remember being in grad school and getting the Facebook.

Monica Froese  21:09

Yes, I was undergrad, and you had to have an edu email address, remember?

Speaker 2  21:13

Exactly, yeah. And what’s crazy is the what has happened, just kind of looking back as I’m seeing things coming full circle is that still those traditional foundational things that I learned as a kid watching my dad makes sales calls, you know, working behind the scenes with his ops director to put a database in their, their new computers in DOS, those you know, filing and making calls to collect on bills of your own on invoices. Those types of things are foundational that I think a lot of internet people, internet entrepreneurs just aren’t seeing. And so they think it’s all about social media, and looking a certain way and influencer this and that. And no, it’s about understanding what is really making the difference to move your business forward. And often it’s not the sexy stuff, it is the rinse and repeat 80% of your business. If it if 80% of your business is it rinse and repeat kind of humming right along, then what happens is you’re always like that little duck with your little feet paddling as fast as you can. Not really going anywhere, right? Like, you’re just exhausted because you’re constantly trying to figure everything out

Monica Froese  22:27

This, wow we think very similar. So one of the I started as you know, people call a blogger. And for a lot of time, a lot of times it was easier when people asked what do you do, I would just call myself a blogger actually have a whole episode called is blogging dead where I take issue with the term blogging, and blogger. And the reason is, is because I realized when I wanted to make my blog and I say it with quotations, a business what I could not understand having my MBA working in corporate for 11 years. Why? Why in the world? Do people spend so much time on social media and putting out free content with no end game in mind? I’m like, like, No, this is, yeah, this is how I got this is how Pinterest became a thing for me. Because when I started it, when when I started the business full time, Pinterest was still a just a haven for free traffic for bloggers, you know, not a lot of effort had to go in. If you hit the right keyword, you could explode your traffic fast. I was seeing bloggers getting 500,000 million pageviews making practically no money because they didn’t understand the ROI of a page view. And it was all about the page view and not about what came after the page view, which is all that matters, because that’s how you make money.

Speaker 2  23:40

 And this is this is exactly what makes me crazy about the industry right now is it’s all of these vanity metrics that people are focused on, they’re focused on the wrong thing. Yes, I have clients right now. So for example, I have an amazing client who is a holistic nutritionist, and Chef, she has zero website. She has very small social media presence. Her Packages start at 5000 to $10,000. And she’s making close to she’ll probably hit $250,000 this year. Good for she’s been in business for a little over three years right now.

Monica Froese  24:17

And I’m like no presence on the Internet. No, wow.

Speaker 2  24:21

Because she knows who she’s targeting and who she’s talking to. And she’s focused on the right things. And for her, we know exactly what systems need to be in place. And it’s not like her audience isn’t on social media. They’re not paying attention to social media, her audiences. She’s an executive, she’s positioned herself as an executive health coach. So she’s got people out of the DC area that are like executives for the FDA or for major government agencies who are coming to work with her for like a year minimum to their health, and she’s not worried about being popular in social media having a fancy slick website. Say there is no funnel

Monica Froese  25:02

is highly referral. That’s it. Yeah. Oh, this is thank you for saying this. And that is true even if you have an online business at the end of the day, you know, and this is one of the hardest. I talked about this at some point. But this was one of the hardest things I had to swallow about online business, which was in corporate, I hated networking. I told myself that for years, and I think it’s because I just didn’t love being in tech. And I didn’t love the roles that I had to play by, because they were not rules that were kind to women, or those diverse backgrounds. And so I did not appreciate the rules. So I kind of like, always prevented myself from going the extra mile because it was like, Ooh, I don’t want to do this. I don’t agree with this. So when I got into online business, I had this like idea that I was gonna sit behind my computer and really not have to talk to people. Yeah, by the way, it doesn’t work that way. Because all online business also is is a big network of being referable.

Speaker 2  25:58

It absolutely is. And this is something I think that we don’t talk about enough. I think there’s a lot of people who think that if they just slap up a really beautiful website and have great photos to post on social media, that they can be inaccessible and not talk to people and not spend the time networking. But I have found every massive opportunity has come my way. Because I have built a network, like almost every major speaking opportunity, I’ve had a ton of opportunities to be interviewed on podcasts or to speak on a stage or to partner with somebody on something. They’ve all come because I know people, you know,

Monica Froese  26:36

I’ve actually said, I’ve said that about that. I’m like, okay, so I am a believer that there’s nothing wrong with buying yourself into rooms, like honestly,

Speaker 2  26:44

oh, that’s a great way to do it.

Monica Froese  26:47

It is a great way to do it. If there’s a room that’s inaccessible to you. And you can find a way in like in coprate, one of the ways I found my way into the boardroom was through marketing, because it was a girl, it was a woman friendly position in corporate to be in, especially in tech, I ended up in the C suite. Because of it. You know, like I found my way in literally through my traditional my MBAs in finance, but finding my way, my way in through the financial accounting department in tech wasn’t going to happen. But marketing, I found my way in. Well, I have joined, I’ve said this to a lot of people before. And I think it’s really important. I have joined a lot of programs in this online space and spent hundreds of 1000s. I don’t want to add it up. Honestly, I should look at my cute my QuickBooks statements, and then puke over it. But you know, we’ve all done I will Yeah, all the things and some of the programs I’ve joined have been absolute junk. And it kind of makes you wonder how they feel comfortable taking your money. And I could focus on that. This is why I tell people who have done really bad investments, and they let it derail their whole business. I’m like, Listen, I have done so I’ve done great programs, crappy programs. But at the end of the day, one thing has proven true if you let it play out, which is the connections I have made in those programs, even the ones I really was kind of bitter that I paid money for pay off years down the road with it’s absolutely tangled web of that person knows this person, and they refer you it happens all the time. So it’s not even just about the program you’re in, it’s about the people you’re meeting and connecting with. And it’s just it’s absolutely referral and that really that’s what basically I heard Amy Porterfield tell me in my earbuds all those years ago is stick with it. Because you entrepreneurs burnout and they want to jump you know, we’re, we want, we always have ideas, and we want to jump to the next thing. But if you do that, nobody’s ever gonna know what you’re about. And you’re never going to have a business.

Speaker 2  28:29

Yeah. And that’s what that’s unfortunately what happens. It’s the double edged sword of being entrepreneur, like most of us tend to be very creative. We love coming up with new ideas. Most of us if we’re the kind of the visionary entrepreneur, if you want to use that kind of language, that becomes the reason we can get up and going so fast. It also becomes the reason we, like blow up our own business. Yep. Because we’re constantly changing. And it’s what makes it hard for people to keep up with what you’re doing because people you met last year aren’t like, they’re not always watching what you’re doing. So if you’re constantly changing, they’re just gonna think you’re a flake and aren’t serious about your business.

Monica Froese  29:04

Exactly. And I honestly think for years and online business is a long time. It really is. And I did plenty dog years. I’m like, I always tell people in the real world, I say that with air quotes as well. Here’s my only business is like 20 years and in a brick and mortar I kind of feel like but sticking with Pinterest for four years was probably one of the best decisions I made even though like probably two years in I was really ready to do the next thing but what what it did was it did instill confidence. Now when people reach out to me, I gotten the Oh, you don’t do Pinterest anymore. I mean, I get that a lot like that. Oh, um, what what happened? But they don’t then be like, Oh, I don’t I guess I can’t really use her for I was gonna have her speak here, but I guess I can’t use her now. Instead, they asked like what are you doing now? Maybe it will still fit in because yeah, I stuck with it as long as I did.

Speaker 2  29:55

Absolutely. Absolutely. I found that exact same thing.

Monica Froese  29:58

That’s so fit. Okay. So one of the things I want to talk to you about is this is there, it’s kind of they kind of go hand in hand, I think productivity and actually boundaries go hand in hand. I think if you don’t have boundaries, and you really can’t be productive, yeah, the first question I want to ask though, is you do talk and I saw it on your website, like you have a 90 day SEO plan or your retreats are based on 90 Day plans, you work with your clients on 90 Day plans? Does this How does the year planning fit into your 90 days? Like how do you when you enter either a fiscal year or calendar year? Do you plan for the year or do you only plan for 90 days?

Speaker 2  30:30

We do absolutely plan for the year, what I found, um, and this is again, coming back to like looking at what I know and what I’ve done, and then also watching what works for my clients. What I found is for a lot of my clients, and just I think the industry in general, we tend to get so focused on these big huge visions that trying to figure out what we need to do day to day is where we end up finding ourselves falling short and getting stuck. And then we don’t really get the momentum we’re looking for. So for business owners who haven’t been around a super long time, trying to plan a year or two or three years in advance, it actually becomes really challenging. If you don’t know what your capacity is, you don’t know what it’s like to have momentum, you don’t have assets built up in your business that make it easy for you to rinse and repeat. You don’t have systems or or you know, things you can do over and over again, then planning a year in advance is just a lot of time with, you know, sticky notes and colored pens, that’s not really going to pay off. So I found that I had to start shortening timelines for my clients, because they just didn’t have the lived experience yet to understand what they could accomplish in a year, or what they could accomplish in three years. And to be honest, for a lot of small businesses, your first year to three years is just kind of getting going and understanding what it looks like to have a business like you, like we both said, like where you start is not where you’re ultimately likely going to be. But it’s that startup stage where you’re learning so much about yourself, right? You’re learning so much about how you like to support your clients, you’re learning so much about the way that marketing works for you. You’re learning so much about what sales looks like for you, or how to work with a team, like there’s so much you are learning. But if we set the bar so high with our vision of where we want to be in a year or three years, I find that it can start to be very defeating for a lot of people because they just feel like it’s so far away, and they can’t see how they’re going to get there. It’s just too big of a cognitive leap. So we do kind of an annual plan. That’s why we started the plan your best year ever, because I was like, Okay, how can I get people to create kind of a more realistic annual plan. And if you go through that challenge with me, there’s a few things that I think are really important about the way we do it, that is probably different from a lot of people, I feel like a lot of people start with like, throw all the big goals out there all the big dreams out there, we’re kind of going a little backwards, because I’m actually looking at let’s start with your life, and then design your business around what you want your life to look like, let’s crunch some numbers. Let’s look at what’s working, what’s not working. Instead of having a million big goals you want to go after, let’s make sure that this is really accessible to you and kind of plan on a 12 month basis, like each month, what are your big things you’re going to work on. And from there, we can take that and break it down into 90 Day plans really easily. And what I found is it was kind of like putting like, you know, if you go bowling, and they put those bumpers and the little alley things, so they’re the jobs. Yeah, for the kids. It’s like business planning with bumpers, you know, it’s a little bit of a safety net. And it keeps us from getting in our own way to where we’re visioning so big that we can’t execute and implement and get to where we need to go. What I have found is that with almost all of our clients, and this is why with the collective, we keep people with us for a full year, because what we’ve found is the first time they’re trying to do a 90 day plan and actually creating it is kind of the easy part, the hard part is following through with it. And what we found is like the first time is kind of the practice run, right? It’s kind of like you’re on a tricycle as a kid, you’re kind of learning how to pedal your feet, but you’re not really good yet. Then the next time you’re on a two wheeler but you’ve still got the little training wheels. And then finally we can take the training wheels off and you start to get some momentum because now you’re learning how these things should rinse and repeat. So yeah, that’s kind of how that fits in there. We want to give a long enough timeline that people feel like they can see some real growth in their business. And I’m I’m just not a hype up person. I’m not like we’re going to 10x your business in a year. Honestly, I’m like, I like a steady pace. I would rather you grow at 20% a year or 30% a year at a sustainable pace that allows you to not overwork enjoy your nights and weekends. Take some vacations pay yourself really well and consistently be building the things behind the scenes in your business that three years from now your business will have doubled. Instead of trying to go so hard and so fast that you’re hitting burnout within six months?

Monica Froese  35:12

Well, I don’t think I actually got that memo until five years into this full time, which this is my fifth year, I was in an utter state of burnout for years. And I that was what my whole episode I did a life update episode last month, or at some point, I don’t know. It kind of all mixes together. But it’s, it’s Episode 22, if anyone’s interested, but essentially, I hit an actual wall, where I decided that I literally built a business that I did not love anymore, and it was not serving my life. And to the point where I would have rather close shop than to not be making the impact I wanted to make that was a big one. Because like, I started this with the intention of making, that’s what redefining mom was all about, like calling attention to the lack of maternity leave policies and what women go through as working moms. And I just wasn’t I didn’t, I was disconnected from my purpose. And my, my bigger impact. And then also, I wasn’t showing up as a mom the way I wanted to. I was like antsy with my kids. I was just always overwhelmed and stressed. And I was like, why is the point of all this. And so I actually this year planned, and it’s so funny how it works when you it’s almost like a lesson and giving up control because as soon as I started taking days off, I started reading all the time, like my stress, I got my stress levels down. I don’t work more than 40 hours. I did work all weekend this last weekend. But that was an exception. And I wanted to as having fun. And I think that was what was important I was doing that’s different. Yeah, it’s different. And no one for like, I actually like, it wasn’t like I had to get it done. And just like I was in the zone. And what I realized was, this was I said I wanted this to be our first million dollar year, like we’ve made millions of dollars over the years, but like in actual 12 month period. And then I said you know, but I’m just not married to it, which is so backward. I’m very goal oriented. And I always say I don’t do failure so to say well my goal is a million but I’m okay if I don’t hit it but really with how much lower my stress and we’re still up right now 35 to 40 Depending on the quarter percent year over year, I blew up our whole business last year and we’re up that high I’m way less stressed I’m taking care of my mental physical emotional health and it’s all because I lead with what with our impact on other people and what I want it to look like for my life instead of leading how pretty much corporate and the you know like how I was trained working for a fortune 100 company which is it’s all about the profit no matter

Speaker 2  37:32

It’s all about the numbers well and that’s this is why I think it’s so important we have to before we set boundaries we have to start with what is our definition of success look like removing the revenue and how much your business is earning removing that from the table for a minute. What does success actually look and feel like for you in your life in your health in your relationship and your spirituality in all of these other areas? What does success look like there? Because if you don’t have success in those areas, then you have a heart attack tomorrow and will it be worth it that you worked yourself into the ground agree and right now what I’m seeing is women in our generation you know the elder millennial Gen X women we are hitting burnout like never before and it is it is causing some significant health challenges for a lot of women that I work with especially after the year that we’ve all just had and so we have to re define what does success look like in all of these areas of our life and get clear about what that looks like and we have to start detaching ourselves from what society says it sure looks like so for my health goals and my definition of success with health it’s not about me wearing a certain size jeans, I really could care less about that it is very much about I have the energy to go to the pool with my kids this afternoon and swim with them. It is very much about we can go on a hike as a family and I’m not going to be complaining about how hot or uncomfortable I am it is about I can get through the night without another hot flash you know like you…

Monica Froese  39:08

I feel all of that because everything about my life with my weight centered around what society said the scale should look like and that was my soul and it was like I didn’t even necessarily care what the scale said it was everyone else told me I should care about it my doctor everyone and that’s probably why never this first year when I was finally like I do not care except I don’t feel good.

Speaker 2  39:32

That’s it and we have to decide what that looks like so for me health looks like getting great sleep. Health looks like having energy to get up and do it I want health looks like actually wanting to eat healthy foods because they make me feel better instead of feeling like I have to because I’m trying to hit some calorie deficit or something. And having these conversations with myself has been really helpful. I do this with my you know with parenting like we edit I have yet to find a mom who’s like, I want to be a terrible parent who ignores my kids and just looks at my phone all day long. Right? None of us want to do that. But how many times do we find ourselves like zoned out and just exhausted and like needing to doom scroll because we need that, like dopamine hit? Well, you have to ask yourself what is success with my kids look like? I realized, you know what, I am a certain type of Mom, I’m really good with older kids. I’m they’re really good. Like, let’s watch a movie and snuggle Mom, let’s go, you know, do a creative project Mom, I’m not so much the let’s go play a sport mom.

Monica Froese  40:36

Play, get on the floor and play. Like, honestly, with my toddler, I love her to death, but I not getting on the floor and building blocks. It’s seriously painful for me to do, I will snuggle her, I will go on walks with her bike rides, I am not building the blocks. I’m just not doing it.

Speaker 2  40:53

So we create, we have to create our definition of success. And I have three kids. So for me it I want to take each kid on a mommy and me date that they get to choose at least once a month, where we have that quality time, it usually means we’re going to the bookstore, and then we’re going to get coffee, because my kids are exactly like me. But to me, so for me now looking zooming out and looking at some of these definitions of success. And some examples I’ve given because I’m so crystal clear, I can look at my calendar and go, you know, one of my definitions of success for my spirituality, my personal development is I love a slow morning, I am not somebody who has a complicated morning routine. So I don’t actually get up and go to work until usually 10 o’clock in the morning. Because I like to get up and have my cup of coffee and journal and read and be by myself for a solid hour before I have to speak to another human being. But that’s such an important definition of success. For me, that helps me create boundaries around my calendar. So I’m not going to be the person who’s available for eight o’clock, or even a nine o’clock call, like that’s just not gonna happen. Because I don’t want to do it.

Monica Froese  41:57

Yeah, would you say boundaries are flexed muscle essentially you have, the more you do it, the more you set them, the easier it gets.

Speaker 2  42:04

Absolutely I and there’s a couple parts to it. One, you’ve got to be clear about what it is. And usually the easiest way to tell if you’re have a boundary that’s not very strong is you feel resentful, or frustrated about something. So I know this is maybe something a lot of people working from home might relate to, I do not like getting interrupted when I’m working. It is such a thing, it will trigger rage sometimes because I’m just like, I want to get in my zone and do my thing. So I put my phone on airplane mode. And I used to have like my mother, especially she’s a whole new gen old generation, you know, they think if they call that you should be like, Oh, what’s going on, and I finally was like, Mom, I am working from 10 to two, I cannot talk to you on the phone, you need to just wait until I get home. In fact, don’t call me until after four o’clock. And you know, it took a long time for her to get that. But I was like Mom, you know, the best time to call me is about four o’clock in the afternoon. Because then I’ve definitely done at work. I’ve had a little bit of decompression time coming home. And you know, I just have to level set that expectation and then follow through with it is the big thing, following through with it.

Monica Froese  43:10

So in the CEO collective, do you help a lot of women business owners with these boundaries?

Speaker 2  43:15

Oh, my gosh, I never thought you know, again, it’s the things that come to you. And it’s not that it comes easily. It definitely has been a learned practice, there has been a lot of therapy and coaching going into me getting much better at boundaries. This is yeah, my whole life journey is definitely not having them. I’m an adult child of an alcoholic, we did not have boundaries, I had to learn them very quickly. Because I just knew that I wanted to change the direction and the narrative for my own family. And because I’ve put so much work into it, I think is why I’m so good at it. Now I’ve had, you know, 20 years of working on it at this point. This past year, I never thought I would spend as much time talking about boundaries as I have. And so much of it, it has been because women who had great boundaries before, especially if they were working from home, suddenly when their partners were coming home or the dynamic shifted. It’s like all the boundaries they had went out the window. And I’ve seen this happens not just you know, pandemic but it also happens if you have a major life change or a role change in your family or something you have to like, reestablish those boundaries again. So I was seeing so many women who had created a great routine from working from home, they had their kind of rhythm sorted out. They weren’t feeling distracted by like life stuff while they were trying to get work done. And then suddenly, they were having a partner home who was totally disrupting and honestly disrespecting their calendar and what they had set up. And so it was like, hey, you’ve actually got to have a conversation with them because they had no idea you had these systems in place. And it’s not fair for you to expect them to know you have to have a conversation a hard conversation about hey, here’s what I I’ve setup that works for me, if this isn’t going to work for both of us, how can we renegotiate this to make sure that you get your work done, I get my work done, the kids needs are attended. And no one feels resentful that they’re kind of being put upon when it could have just been a conversation to kind of negotiate what needs to happen.

Monica Froese  45:19

Yeah, I do. You know, we built my husband a soundproof office in the basement during, during COVID.

Speaker 2  45:24

That’s the soundproof headphones.

Monica Froese  45:28

Because I need I have a very I’m on the floor, I’m in the extra bedroom upstairs, either beautiful windows, I need natural light, like my mood is very affected. Me too. Um, he he, we do have an egress for his because we had to be built to code. So you need an egress for any like actual finished room in a basement, at least in New York. And so because that he can see outside, but he didn’t, it wasn’t a sticking point to him. And we made it sound proof. And it like changed our lives to be honest with you, because we weren’t, I will never forget when my second daughter when we I lost my workspace when my second daughter was born in our last house. And it made it so that he was right below me and a house that was built in the 50s. So there’s no soundproofing going on. Yeah, no, all of a sudden, I started my workday, like the first air offices moved. And all I heard was his loud voice. And I was like, how am I ever going to get anything done? I can’t record anything, I can’t get on calls. And he’s like, Well, I have the corporate job. So I have to do this. And I mean, like, at one year…

Speaker 2  46:33

They’re like, but I have this very successful. I have to do this.

Monica Froese  46:37

Yeah. And it was just like, I remember We butted heads so bad that I, we and so finally it was just like, I worked my butt off to get him that soundproof office because it like changed my life, to be honest with you.

Speaker 2  46:50

And this is where I find that often, we, and I think this is just the thing, so many of us were conditioned to just put up with things. And we just deal with it and deal with it and deal with it kind of you know, grin and bear it, whatever. And then we get to a breaking point where we just are so upset and angry and frustrated all the time at everybody that again, if we just sat down and had a conversation, okay, what are your needs, I realized I need natural, definitely natural light, like whether I’m at home in my home office now or at my office downtown, tons of natural light. I need quiet. That’s huge for me, which is the biggest reason why last year I went out and rented an office. I was like I need out of this house with three kids, three pets and a husband like it was not happening here. Even with the home office space, it just wasn’t happening. And I need face to kind of decompress in between. I’m kind of like a toddler that I need transition time. I think a lot of us do. Yeah. And I think one of my biggest challenges what I would do, especially with my kids all home, I would get up and leave, leave the office, but then they’d be like Mom, mom, mom, can you do this? Can we play this game? Can we can I get a snack, blah, blah, blah. And I got to the point where I was like when mom walks through the door, you need to give me 10 minutes before you talk to me. But you didn’t say hi, mom, but don’t ask me for anything. Until I’ve had a chance to come in and put my purse down, go to the bathroom and get some water or something. But please, I just the coming in the constant barrage of everybody else’s stuff I can even edit. I just need a minute and you know it. It’s one of those things where you tell your kids and then they start to understand they’re like, Okay, Mom’s here. Hey, mom. And then they come in like 15 minutes later, how you doing? Can I get this…

Monica Froese  48:32

We’re the same person. I honestly we have very similar I need because I was programmed in corporate if I can’t deal with work interruptions, it makes me very cranky. And it was like I had this, like this ideal. When I started my blog. I was gonna have my kids home. Yeah, no, no, I need dedicated work hours. And you know what that doesn’t. For some reason, I was telling myself that that somehow made me a bad mom, I don’t even know. But it does not make me a bad mom. It means I honor my boundaries. And I know how to be a better mom because of it. Because I know that if I’m mad at her for constantly interrupting me, then I’m not being a good mom. And I’m not getting anything done in the business. And then like everyone’s unhappy, it doesn’t make any sense. I just think I have pretty good boundaries now that you’re talking about it. I think everyone probably could get better at it. But I feel I feel a little bit more encouraged that I’ve set up…

Speaker 2  49:18

I think it’s just clarity about what your needs are, and expressing those needs and asking for support around those. Because if we don’t have clarity on what our needs are, and we’re just kind of frustrated, but we can’t pinpoint what is actually happening then we can’t fix anything. So I have friends who are completely different for me. I mean, I definitely have friends right now who they’re more extroverted and they miss going to like the co working space and things like that. And so they have to build into their ideal calendar time to co work with somebody or time to attend something because they need that stimulation. And I think once you know what your boundaries are around that it’s so much easier to make sure that your week is set up so that your needs are met, and you’re not frustrated with things that are honestly pretty fixable for the most part, like a lot of the things that we just keep putting up with are fixable. If we just take a minute pause and say, Okay, what is the unmet need right now? What is pushing me out of, you know, my zone of being able to get stuff done. And once you’re clear about that, it does get so much easier. So I think for a lot of people, that inventory, that personal inventory is usually the first step. And then you have to communicate it because a boundary that’s not communicated is not really a boundary. It’s you’re hoping people can read your mind. Yeah, that’s not gonna happen.

Monica Froese  50:38

I think a lot of things are negotiable. But I will say one of the biggest things I’ve I’ve done to really enforce boundaries in my family is, and I’ve had to do this a couple times with my husband, I’ve had to say, this is not me. I’m not asking for permission, I’m telling. Yeah. And it’s just the end of the sentence. And I know that this I, and I’ll acknowledge, I know that right. Now you’re upset with me, you don’t want me to draw this boundary, I have to, for my own sanity, and I would never have done that five, six years ago, and our marriage never. And it’s not his fault. It’s just I wasn’t vocal enough about my boundaries for a lot of years. And so I then I kind of came out swinging, and he’s like, whoa, and I get it. But it when I made up my mind, my mind was made up. And I’ve had to do it a couple times. I’m a little, it’s not so much like that anymore. But in the beginning, I really had to say, I’m not asking, I’m telling

Speaker 2  51:26

Yeah. And I think that’s something that is a skill that you develop, right? Like it’s a muscle you strengthen as you get better at it. And if you’re working with anybody, it doesn’t matter if it’s your you know, your husband, or your spouse, your partner, your kids or people on your team, like understanding what everybody’s needs are and how you can best meet them. It’s setting everybody else up for success. You know, my team, I understand their boundaries, too. I understand how they want to communicate with me, I understand when they’re available. I understand when they’re not available, I understand the things I’ve done that pissed them off in the past. And because I understand that I know where the boundary is, right. And I think that’s really important. Because it’s not just about our boundaries. It’s about everybody that we’re working with to. And it’s just that level of emotional intelligence, being aware of what everybody’s needs are, and making sure that everybody set up to succeed. Yeah,

Monica Froese  52:19

I love that. I love that. Because on the flip side, I should say like, I always I, one of the biggest things, my husband would never take time for himself. And I feel it because he would get upset that I took time for myself. And finally, I start speaking up, I’m like, you meet time for yourself. I’m not trying to prevent time for you to take you like and so I kept it took him like six months before. And I remember the first time he said to me, I’m doing he looked at me like I was gonna say no or something. He’s like, I’m doing this because I want to do it. I’m like, fabulous, thanks for joining the club have actually like, there’s nothing wrong with that. Like he’s taking his first like, Boy trip this year, I started taking grilled trips again, in 2015. He had such an issue with it. That was like one of the first times I put down my foot and I said, No, I’m going like, I want to do this. And he was not happy. Now he’s taking a trip with just the boys this year. And I’m like, yeah, like, I’m excited for him, you know, because I don’t know. He just never gave himself permission to do it for all this time. And he’s watching me do it.

Speaker 2  53:12

It is absolutely watching you do it. I had a therapist told me who who told me that the way for me to help everyone in my life is not to tell them what they need to do to fix themselves surprised. But it’s for me to lead the way by by walking my talk. And so for me, like, I don’t want to girlfriend trip. I want a solo trip. I just want to go by myself somewhere and I have I will go check myself into a hotel for two nights. And all I will do is hang out and sleep and read a book and do massages and spa treatments and it is exactly what I need. But if my husband is getting cranky, you better believe I am like texting his best friend like, Dude, you guys need to go hiking, you need to get him out of this house. And it’s all about just understanding again, what everybody’s needs are. Or we’re all working together to get them met and making sure that we’re being fluid with them. Like all like I said, last year, all of our demands quickly outnumbered the personal needs just because the world flips so quickly. But once we have a chance to get our footing again, we can figure out a new way forward and it might not be the way we thought it would look like that’s for sure. Like I never thought I’d be in year two of homeschooling three kids, but here we are. And you know, it’s it’s definitely before I would have been like there’s no way this is happening. I don’t want to deal with that. But now they’re thriving. I’m thriving because I removed myself from the home down, you know, three or four days a week. And it was just because we’re constantly checking in saying okay, what is it that I really need? What is it that they really need? What is it that my husband needs, and then renegotiating that for ourselves renegotiated even with my family like this year I had to take on managing all my mother’s nursing care. She has 24/7 nursing care at home and there was a point where I think my mom thought I was going to be down there ever Every week, they’re like an hour and a half away. And I was like, Mom, I can’t like once a month be this is too much for me, it’s getting too hard. And she was a little upset at first she’s like, Oh, can’t you just come more? And I’m like, No, actually, like, any time with my family, and I’m running a business, like once a month. And then for you. Okay, we can do that. And those are the times where it’s hard to enforce boundaries. Yeah. Because Oh, yeah, she with moms, with moms, but those are the times where it quickly will become depleting for you. And then if you are like, the two of us, where you’re the leader of your family, right, and you’re running this business, me getting depleted will spiral into my husband getting depleted that my kids getting depleted, my business will not run as well, like, it will just be this domino effect of things starting to go off course. So that clarity is essential.

Monica Froese  55:50

It is. There, I this is the best boundary discussion I’ve had. I can’t even tell you maybe with the therapist, I had a good boundary discussion. Besides that, you’re like a therapist, you’re like a therapist. For business owners, I kind of feel like,

Speaker 2  56:05

before I am nice.

Monica Froese  56:07

I had a feeling a lot of people are gonna listen to this and be like, um, I think I need to look into Rachel’s program.

Speaker 2  56:15

I get a lot of permission to stop working so hard, thinking a little more strategically about what you’re doing. And boundaries. So people have boundaries, want to look into this program? How do they? Yeah, well, the best thing is to come check out my podcast, promote yourself to CEO and get a taste of what else I talk about. We don’t just boundaries. We do talk a lot about how to grow without the hustle and burnout because that is a major value of mine is to create a world where women are able to create sustainable success so that they can do what else matters most to them and their life. So come check us out on promote yourself to CEO and if you want to learn more about the collective, you can head over to the CEO collective.com.

Monica Froese  56:56

Awesome. And if they want to find you on Instagram, how do they do that?

Speaker 2  57:01

Yes, you can find me at Rachel.cook. I am kind of quiet there right now. But I do check in on a regular basis. So to be a little bit more active. I did this summer kind of taken a little bit of a sabbatical on social because we needed it. We needed it for sure. Yeah. Come find me on Instagram. And I love checking into people there as well.

Monica Froese  57:22

Well, awesome. Thank you so much for sharing all of your awesome knowledge and your journey today. It was very fascinating.

Speaker 2  57:27

Oh, thanks so much for having me. I feel like we kind of had a long and winding conversation but it’s so much fun.

Monica Froese  57:33

It was and I know a lot of people there’s so much to glean out of this like I feel like people are gonna love it. So thank you i hope you enjoyed today’s episode of the Empowered business podcast. Be sure to follow the show and leave a rating and review. I read each one and I love hearing from you. As always, you can find all the links and information mentioned in this episode at Monica froese.com forward slash podcast. Thanks so much for tuning in.